How To Stop Being A Victim? The Power Lies With You!
Updated: June 19, 2024
Published: March 4, 2020
It’s an inevitable part of life – bad things will happen. But, when they do, are you one to bounce back or blame the world? Knowing how to stop playing the victim begins with knowing that you have the power to control your reactions and thoughts.
While there is such a thing as a victim mentality, it’s exactly that, a mentality. By framing it as such, you can work to shift the mentality and take back control of your life to benefit yourself positively.
You have it within you to be the victor, not the victim.
Here’s how.
What is a Victim Mentality?
A victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which people tend to view themselves as victims. By doing so, they often feel like they lack control over the events in their life.
There are a few reasons why people may possess a victim mentality, but to stop playing victim, you have to become aware of it and take ownership of your perspective.
The power is indeed in your hands (or should we say, your mind)!
Causes of a Victim Mentality
People may develop a victim mentality due to negative life events. Some of these may include:
- Betrayed trust
- Intense emotional pain
- Past trauma
- Codependency
- A history of manipulation
Although it’s not always in your control as to what happens to you or affects you negatively, it’s possible to practice resilience. Resilience is the “ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”
In essence, resilience is mental toughness, and a large part of knowing how to stop being a victim depends on honing this skill.
Take Charge!
Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can sharpen your resilience and reshape your outlook in order to direct positive and proactive thoughts.
Be Aware of Limiting Beliefs
Your life’s experiences and memories make up your perception and beliefs. This means that how you interpret and define your experiences will greatly shape your outlook on life and internal thoughts.
When you have limiting beliefs, or thoughts in your mind that are negative or disempowering, they can lead to actions of self-sabotage. These negative thought patterns may also cause you to feel helpless.
The first step in being able to reshape these thoughts is to have the awareness that they exist.
Most people never silence their inner chatter, but it does pay to take moments of self-reflection or time to meditate (a practice of mindfulness) in which you simply acknowledge your thoughts. When you do so, you are more likely to become aware of whether or not you have negative self-talk or a positive and uplifting inner voice.
Once you are aware of your thoughts, you can take the time to reflect on where they come from. Think about your past and what has happened in order to make you think this way. Then, focus on stopping negative thoughts in your mind. Remember that you have the power to silence limiting beliefs and transform them into confidence. It comes down to shifting your narrative (the stories you are telling yourself).
Deal with Anger
Anger may often feel like one’s second nature, forcing you to feel there is nothing you can do to control it. That’s why it’s important to acknowledge anger and redirect it — because if it remains unchecked, anger can evolve into resentment, stress, and irrational behaviors.
If you try to rationalize anger, then it can leave you feeling like a victim. This often happens because people think of how things “should be” or focus on desiring a feeling of “fairness.”
Instead, reshape the narrative and remind yourself that people typically act in their own self-interest. In many situations, whatever has happened to you may just be collateral damage and is not actually personal.
By reshaping how you define situations, you can let go of anger. Rather, you can redirect that energy into productivity or understanding a bad situation to make sure you are never put in that position again.
Celebrate Wins
Stop defining wins as big or small. Celebrate everything positive!
The more you take note of your wins and think positively about them, the more confidence you can breed. With more confidence comes less space for victimhood because you realize that you are the only person in-charge of your life.
A major aspect of celebrating wins, small or big, comes down to self-compassion. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
Walk Away
If you find yourself in negative situations once or repeatedly, don’t be afraid to walk away. You get to control who you spend time with.
And, if you are in situations where you are surrounded by negative energy and can’t just walk away (i.e., in a team meeting at work), then try your best to let go and not take things personally.
Practice Gratitude
A major foundation of the victim mentality is a sense of lacking something. When you feel there is something missing, it’s easy to get stuck in a trail of negative thoughts and self-pity.
Instead, when you focus on the blessings in your life and practice gratitude, then you can find yourself in a positive mindset. Thinking positively and focusing on the good often breeds more positivity. After all, it’s all a state of mind.
How to Stop Playing the Victim? Know The Power Within!
Ultimately, the victim mentality is a way of thinking and a matter of perspective. When you slow down to take account of what goes on inside your head and how you perceive situations, you can deduce whether your thoughts are based in positivity or negativity.
If it is the latter, then you have to take control to reshape your perspective by focusing on the good in your life, the power you have to walk away from bad situations, and the confidence to transform anything bad into something good. This is the main source of knowing how to stop playing the victim.
Life is a series of experiences and moments, so if something seemingly undesirable occurs, take a lesson from it and keep on moving forward. If it doesn’t seem possible to do on your own, reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor for words of advice and support.